


Neighbors

by ThatEsqCrush



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Slight Chicago PD crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 08:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26349907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatEsqCrush/pseuds/ThatEsqCrush
Summary: Rafael was overjoyed when he became the sole tenant of his floor. He paid a pretty price for his Manhattan walk up. He chose to live on the top floor for a reason. He relished the solitude. Every day he wished that someone would not come to inhabit it. That is... until you came along.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Reader, Rafael Barba/You
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

Rafael was overjoyed when he became the sole tenant of his floor. He paid a pretty price for his Manhattan walk up. He chose to live on the top floor for a reason. He relished the solitude. Every day he wished that someone would not come to inhabit it.

He was two weeks into his month long suspension after the whole mess with Ashtonja Abreu. He still felt so horrible for paying Ashtonja’s mother off, knowing she would use it for her next fix. But he also knew he got off easy with a month long suspension from the D.A.’s office. Meeting with the ethics committee from the NY Bar Association was something else – but they too only gave him a slap on the wrist at the end.

When Rafael came home one Tuesday morning after having gone to run errands for his abuela, he was displeased to hear sounds of loud music coming from down what he had grown accustom as “his hallway.” If he leaned into the music, he was certain it was something by Common.

Rafael could feel the irritably creep into his skin. He made his way into his apartment and dropped off the extra groceries he had picked for himself on the counter. He paused momentarily to give scratches to his cat Corzo, his ten year old Siamese.

The cat stood up and arched its back, trilling in greeting to his owner. “Can you believe this nonsense?” Rafael asked. “We had it so good. Now it’s ruined.”

Corzo meowed loudly in response before head butting Rafael’s palm.

“I’ll be right back.” Rafael replied to Corzo. “Don’t go poking around in the groceries. The salmon is not for you.”

Rafael headed back out, pausing momentarily once more to stop to look at his reflection. He peered at the “suspension beard” as Olivia liked to call it. “Maybe I’ll shave.” He muttered to himself.

With an audible sigh, Rafael made way to across the hall and knocked loudly on the door. He wasn’t even sure his knocks were heard since the music was so loud and just as he lifted his arm to knock again, the door swung open.

Rafael felt the air out of his lungs whoosh out.

Standing before him was the most beautiful woman he had ever come across since Yelina. Suddenly he felt his mouth go dry and he swallowed hard.

You cocked your head at the handsome man in front of you. “Can I help you?”

Rafael raked in the sight of you with your rolled sweatpants and very snug tank-top. Your hair was pinned up and paint was smeared and splattered all over you. There was a fresh purple paint drop on your cheek and Rafael had to control himself from wiping it off with he pad of his thumb.

“I…I am Rafael Barba. I live across the hall.” Rafael introduced himself, extending his hand.

Your eyes lit up and you smiled as you took his hand in yours and shook it. “Hi! I am Y/F/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you neighbor!”

Rafael’s ears picked up a slight accent but he could not pick up from where. “I hate to be that guy… but your music is a little loud.”

Your cheeks turned pink. “I am so sorry.” You apologized. “I will turn it down right away.”

Rafael gave you a small smile. “No te precupes. It’s all good. Good luck with the paint job.”

You nodded and then opened the door a bit wider. “Want to come in and have some coffee? It’d be nice to get to know my neighbor.”

Rafael shook his head and when he saw your crestfallen face, he changed his mind. “Um… I meant, why don’t you come over across the way? Consider it a welcome to the building.”

–

Hours passed easily as you two both chit-chatted and got to know each other. At some point a pizza was ordered – which Rafael insisted on paying for, despite being without pay from his suspension. He learned you were from Chicago – hence the accent. You didn’t exchange details about work – you were able to deduce though, from the vast library that graced his walls, he was in law. He provided some murmurings about being suspended and you explained about being transferred from your last job and how it was a much-needed change. Otherwise, you didn’t share explicit details.

You wiped your mouth on the napkin. “I will say New York pizza – not that bad. But nothing compares to a Chicago pizza.”

Rafael placed his hand over his heart. “You wound me.”

You shrugged. “Once you have had the best, the rest… doesn’t matter.”

Rafael scoffed. “There is a lot of things that New York does better. That is why everyone comes here. And I will give you a crash course in the morning if you’re around.”

You winked. “Next thing you’ll say is that you guys have the better baseball team.”

Rafael smirked, crossing his arms. “Twenty-seven championships.”

Your brows furrowed. “But when did they last win one… oh that’s right, 2009. At least the Cubbies have won recently.”

“So not the White Sox?”

“Early on you learn to make your choice and stick to it. Forever.” That earned a guffaw from Rafael. You beamed.

Both of you realized in that moment, you were both so screwed.

–

True to his word, the very next day, Rafael brought you a classic New York breakfast – various bagels with assorted cream cheeses, jellies, and smoked fish. It was all washed down with the seemingly endless coffee carafe he had made. You had to admit that food here in this new city seemed to live up to the hype.

Over the course of the following two weeks, you got to know your neighbor Rafael well. You borrowed his paper – he borrowed sugar. You had to go downtown to complete paperwork for your new job – he sat in your apartment waiting for your couch be delivered. And when the Cubs came to town, you and Rafael went to The Bronx to catch the rubberneck game.

The friendship developed so rapidly and so carefree, that if it were anyone else, alarms would be ringing. It went against all of your training. But there was something about Rafael that disarmed you instantly. You felt like a magnet, drawn to him. The fact that he was deliciously handsome also didn’t hurt.

You learned Rafael was an only child. His parents had a turbulent, volatile marriage that ended when his father died. Rafael was close with his mother and grandmother. You learned that his work created long hours and is why chose to get a cat instead of a dog to keep him company. Rafael learned that you were one of three, but your brother had recently passed away. He also learned that you were a runner – by choice – and that you had run the Chicago Marathon at least a half dozen times. Rafael admitted that he too was a runner, but if given the choice, he would prefer to binge marathon watch the latest cooking show than run laps along the West Side Highway but he did so anyway in order to keep fit.

The attraction between you two grew quickly. Like if an accelerant had been poured over, stoking the fire. You were both way in over your heads.

Neither one of you did anything to stop it.

–

One evening, Rafael had to help his mother and grandmother and he called you to see if you could feed Corzo. You happily obliged and told him he was in for a treat when he got back. Coming back home, Rafael was a nervous wreck. He was not sure what you had in store for him.

When Rafael opened the door, he was surprised to see you sitting on the couch, nursing a low-ball of scotch. He sniffed the air – something delicious was cooking.

“What is that?” Rafael asked.

You approached him with an additional glass in your hand. If anyone else were watching, they would claim the action was rather domestic.

“That, is a Chicago deep dish that I had my friend Adam ship to me.”

“Is this Adam your boyfriend?” Rafael asked as he sipped the drink.

“What?” You blinked and shook your head. “No – well, he was but not anymore. I told him I was homesick and missed good pizza so he had some overnight from Lou Malnati’s. You are in for a treat.”

Rafael swallowed hard as he watched your form retreat into the kitchen. You bent over to pull out the pizza and Rafael felt his pants tighten. He coughed slightly and moved over to grab some plates. As you portioned out the pizza, he looked at you puzzled. “Am I supposed to eat this with a fork and knife?”

You nodded. “It’s not meant for the hands. I mean you can, but it’s very—” Your voice trailed off as Rafael clumsily handled the thick slice of pizza and bit into it. “Messy.” You finished.

“And honestly,” you continued, as you placed your hands on your hips. “Us Chicagoans crave a thin crust, square-cut, tavern-style pizza. You can’t eat deep dish all the time. But we will defend deep dish to the end of time.”

A glob of sauce covered Rafael’s chin and instinctively you reached over and used your thumb to wipe it off. The very intimate action caused you both to pause.

“It’s very good.” Rafael croaked out.

The room felt very warm. You moved to be closer to Rafael. He pulled you closer and his lips ghosted yours.

“We shouldn’t’.” You murmured. “Aren’t their rules about doing this with a neighbor?”

“Fuck the rules.” Rafael growled before capturing your lips with his.

–

“How did you like your vacation?” Olivia asked, as she entered Rafael’s office.

“And you are very polite.” Rafael replied, shutting his laptop closed. “Turns out being suspended without pay is less than ideal.”

Olivia smirked and handed Rafael a gift bag. “You shouldn’t have.” Rafael remarked.

“It’s the best I could do on short notice.”

Rafael shook the box of candy before undoing the purple ribbon. He opened the box and popped a piece of chocolate in his mouth.

“So you have a perp that wants to make a deal?”

“I do.”

At that moment, Carmen poked her head in. “I’m sorry. Olivia, your detective is here. She said it was urgent.”

Rafael furrowed his brows. “Carmen, Rollins is always allowed in.”

“Oh, not Rollins." Carmen replied, shaking her head.

"Not Rollins?" Barba cocked his brow out of curiosity.

"While you were away, I got us a new detective. A transfer from Chicago.” Liv cocked her head.

“Chicago?”

You poked your head through the door. “I’m sorry, I hope I am not…” Your face drained of all color as you recognized who your captain was talking with. “Rafael?”

“You two know each other?” Olivia asked, pointing her index between the two of you. Rafael beckoned you win and he felt his stomach lurch as he noticed the shiny badge that hung off your hip. The same hip he cradled as you rode him not even 24 hours prior – something about new work jitters.

“Something like that.” Rafael replied.

“We’re neighbors.” You replied.

Olivia nodded her understanding. “Well, reunion aside, Y/N comes from the 21st – worked with Voight in intelligence.”

“Yup. I learned well. I am excited to work with SVU. And you too.” You replied. Perhaps if you put it out to the universe, it would come to fruition. 

–

That evening you returned your apartment, feeling worn and weary. You tossed your keys into the candy dish. You rifled through your mail and tossed it next to your keys. You made way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. You sniffed the leftover Chinese takeout container and deduced it was fine to eat.

As you shrugged off your blazer, your mind whirled with the events of the day. Rafael – your handsome, Yankees loving, pizza-folding, cat-afficionado neighbor was your ADA. How were you going to focus at work after this? The whole reason you left Chicago was over a broken engagement with one Adam Ruzek.

A staccato knock on your door interrupted your thoughts. You sighed and kicked off your shoes before looking through the peephole. You sighed once more, seeing Rafael on the other side.

“Hey.” You greeted coolly.

“Is this going to be a problem?” Rafael asked, leaning against the door frame. His normally bright seafoam green eyes seemed dark and stormy.

“Good to see you too.” You replied, opening the door wider and walking back into the apartment. “Want a beer?”

“Sure.” Rafael replied as he made his way in. He shut the door with a click.

You opened the bottles of beer and tossed the leftover food back in the fridge. “You got rid of the beard.” You called out.

Rafael grunted a response and you rolled your eyes as you made your way back. You handed him a bottle and then sat at the opposite edge of the couch.

“You weren’t exactly forthcoming about your job.” Rafael replied.

“And neither were you!” You exclaimed. You took a long swig of your beer. You two both drank your beers in silence, unsure as what to say.

Finally Rafael spoke, unable to take the silence any further. “What we have - I think we can make this work. Quid pro quo – you scratch my back and I scratch yours.”

“I think that is called quid pro hoe.” You teased.

Rafael laughed. “Regardless – we’re adults. We can do this. No one needs to be the wiser.”

You pursed your lips together. “And what happens when this blows up in our faces?”

Rafael shook his head and moved closer to you. He cupped your face with one hand. “I don’t know.”

“Well that is reassuring.” You murmured. Rafael licked his lips and dart of his soft pink tongue was your undoing. You wrapped one hand around Rafael’s neck and pulled him down on top of you.

‘Y/N! What are you even doing?’ your mind screamed.

Rafael also ignored the alarm bells going off.

You gasped as his lips sucked on a sensitive spot. “We’re are totally going to hell.”

“At least we’ll be in good company with each other.” Rafael rumbled in your ear.

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

Seasons came and changed the time from summer to autumn to winter. Your relationship with Rafael continued. For some reason, whatever it was – it worked. You settled in with your new city and your new squad, finally feeling somewhat at peace. As you swapped out flip flops for tall boots and chunky sweaters and Rafael had his camel color coat cleaned, the two of you had no idea what was coming down the pike.

\--

The sun poured into the bedroom. Rafael groaned as he stirred awake, raising an arm to block the bright light that poked through his blinds that he forgot to shut the night prior. His head pounded and he chalked it up to the late night he had working on his closing argument. He climbed out of bed and was on his way to the bathroom when pounding at the door interrupted his thoughts. Grabbing his robe, he shuffled to the door. “Coming!” He groused. Looking through the peephole, he realized it was you.

Rafael opened the door and you blew past him, nearly knocking him over. “Raf, is your hot water running?” You called as you made way to the bathroom.

Rafael blinked. “Good morning to you too. Come on in.” He replied, waving his arm to no one in particular. “What do you mean if I have hot water?”

“I don’t know! My hot water isn’t working and I need to shower!” You shouted, from the bathroom. You poked your head out of the door. “Come on sleepyhead, we have to be at the precinct in 30.”

“Maybe you. I don’t report to Benson.” Rafael snickered as he set up his French press.

You walked out into the kitchen, half-naked. “Her text was to all of us. Including you.”

Rafael froze. “Fuck! Okay, okay, move it. I’ll join you in the shower. That way you don’t use up all the hot water left. If there is any left.”

\--

Rafael’s hands ran down your body, cupping your ass as he picked you up. You clung onto his broad, muscled shoulders, your fingertips digging into his skin. You wrapped your legs were wrapped around his hips, your ankles interlocked on his buttocks. Rafael fucked up into you slowly, driving his hips upward.

You let out a moan and then a moment of realization hit you. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“Do you want me to stop?” Rafael panted.

“No!” You protested as Rafael rolled his hip. He dipped his head to your neck and sucked a mark into your skin. “Oh fucking fuck. I meant we have to be at work…oh God… soon.”

“Then lets get to it.” Rafael rumbled, kissing you deeply as he began to move faster, gripping your thighs tightly. Rafael slightly lost his footing, pulling you along with him away from the wall, and directly under the shower spray. The slick feeling of legs, arms, and other parts gliding against each other sent you both over the edge.

The water grew cold which quickly shook you both out of your reverie. Rafael reached over to turn off the shower while you grabbed one of his fluffy, oversized towels as you hopped out of the shower. You towel dried your hair as Rafael grabbed another towel.

“Want to split a cab?” You asked as you bent over to wring out your hair. You stood and as you did, you watched as water droplets ran down over Rafael’s body. You felt heat pool in between your legs again.

Rafael rubbed his face before giving you a knowing smirk. “Enjoying the view?”

“Sure am.” Rafael didn’t miss how your cheeks flushed.

“Meet you downstairs in fifteen?”

“Perfect.” You wrapped the towel around yourself and made way back out through the apartment. Corzo meowed at you from the couch and you paused to give the cat some head scratches. Corzo purred contently in response. Poking your head out the door and making sure there was no one else – usually there wasn’t, but you wanted to be safe, you darted back to your apartment.

True to your word, fifteen minutes later, you bounded outside where Rafael was waiting with the cab. Ever the gentleman, he opened the taxi door for you, and when you got in, the scent of your peach perfume wafted in his nostrils, causing his heart to slightly skip.

The cab sped downtown and Rafael went over his closing while you played around on your phone. However, he could not focus on his notes. He chewed on his pen, pretending to not glance at you. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was beginning to develop feelings for you. He wasn’t sure at what point when it happened – but between the hot sex, working cases, and general domesticity – sometimes “Netflix and chill”, really was just “Netflix and chill” – especially after a really difficult case - he began to see you in a different light.

He had always wondered if he could love again – and being with you was so easy, so carefree. At the same time, he did not want to try to take any further, lest he destroy it and lose you completely.

\--

You and Rafael entered the bullpen, you turning to your desk, Rafael making an immediate bee-line to Olivia’s office. Your hair was still wet and you pulled it into a makeshift ponytail as you plopped into your seat.

“You’re late.” Fin replied, not bothering to look up from his computer.

“I know. I overslept.” You grumbled. “I need coffee.”

“You’re lucky I just brewed a fresh pot.” Amanda replied. She smirked as she set a cup in front of you. “And I think I know why you’re late – is that a hickey on your neck, Y/N?”

Your face turned beet red and you slapped your neck. “No. Shut up.”

“I bet that’s what the lucky person on the other side was saying.” Fin snickered. You walked over to where the coffee was and poured a cup. The door to Olivia’s office swung open and both she and Rafael came out. Olivia met your eyes and she gave you a sympathetic smile. “Y/N, can we talk first?”

You furrowed your brows and looked at Rafael who also had a frown on his face. Your heart began to pound and you wonder if Rafael gave up the dirty little secret you both shared. You let out a breath and decided to play it cool.

“What’s up Liv?”

Rafael perched himself on your desk and Olivia motioned for you to sit.

“Y/N, you remember Dr. Yates, yes?”

“How could I forget? He murdered Nadia.” You replied, feeling your stomach begin to churn. “What’s going on?”

“Dr. Yates has come forward claiming that some of the bones that we found at Pelham Bay, the Jane Doe vics that we never IDed, may be the remains of some Midwestern girls.”

You crossed your arms. “And he just offered this up for humanitarian reasons? What does this have to do with me?”

Rafael let out a breath. “He wants to speak with someone from Chicago.”

“Oh, no, no. Erin still hasn't forgiven herself for what Yates did to… the 21st and neither can I.”

“Y/N, normally I would ask you off the case…”

“Don’t you dare!” You interrupted. “He’s bored! He gets off on pulling everybody's strings.”

Rafael interjected. “Y/N, he gave us Rudnick – our M.E. who is also a serial killer. Yates knows more about those bones than he's ever let on. We’re not asking you to do this lightly.”

“Wow.” You gritted as you rolled your eyes. “Sounds like justice at work.”

Rafael reached out to you, but you flinched from his touch. “How long is the drive to Green Haven?” You snapped.

“Ninety-minutes more or less, depending on traffic on the Taconic.”

“I’ll get ready to go.”

You pushed back the chair, causing it to scrape loudly against the floor. Rafael watched you storm off. He looked at Olivia. “I just don't want her anywhere near him, and these are... Chicago vics.”

Olivia smiled at Rafael’s concern. “She’s a good detective. I’m glad she’s here and I know she’s got it. Voight spoke highly of her.”

“Did she ever tell you why she left Chicago?” Rafael asked as he made his way towards the door.

“No. But I suspect she didn’t tell you either.” Olivia replied, sitting back at her desk.

So why don’t I go up with her? Maybe Yates will be more amenable if I’m there and he thinks he can sweet talk and negotiate his sentence.”

“Worth a shot.”

“I’ll call you later with the details.”

\--

You stormed into the locker room, tears brimming. Out of frustration, you slammed an open locker door shut. You opened your phone and rang your old sergeant. It rang and rang and rang until it went to voicemail. “Voight, call me when you get this!”

You sat on the bench and held your head in your hands. As images of your time in Chicago with Nadia and Erin flashed through your mind, you cried. And then thinking of Nadia, made you think of other losses and your failed relationship with Adam and you cried even more.

The door creaked open and Amanda poked her head in. “Hey. You okay?”

You jumped, startled. Quickly you wiped your eyes with the sleeves of your long-sleeved shirt. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not. Want to talk about it?”

You sighed. “I left Chicago for reasons and it turns out I couldn’t escape my demons. They just followed me here to New York.”

Amanda sat down on the bench next to you. “Dealing with your demons and crushing them to pieces is hard work. That’s why the majority of people have hang ups – they just never deal with them.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” You scoffed.

Amanda let out a low whistle. “Wow, newbie, you just don’t miss a beat. Yeah, I have my own shit. Stop deflecting.”

“You don’t understand…” Your voice shook. “Nadia was one of my best friends. She was my roommate. She was able to get on her feet after Erin helped her with rehab. I was already in the Academy but I met her through Erin. And when I broke up with my then boyfriend, I moved in with Nadia. That is how I met Adam.”

“Ruzek?”

“Right, she introduced us. She was going to be my maid of honor.” You replied, picking at the cuticle of your thumb.

“Wait – hold up, you and Adam are engaged?”

“Not anymore. Adam… we tried really hard, but her death really messed us up. It was just too much. I feel guilty every day that I am alive and she isn’t.”

“That is called survivor’s guilt. Have you talked to anyone about it?” Amanda replied.

You let out a laugh as you shook your head. “No. I have been coping by breaking an engagement and running away to New York.”

“You need to talk to someone. This isn’t healthy.” Amanda reached over and grabbed your hand, gently squeezing.

“One day. Today’s not that day. Today I get to go to Green Haven and hang with Yates.” You sighed, standing. You opened up your locker and grabbed your belongings. “Tell whomever is coming along that I’ll be the one driving and they better not change the station.”

\--

The ride up to Beekman, where Green Haven is located in upstate New York was uneventful. Rafael tried to make small talk with you, but you were having none of it. He chalked it up to you being understandably upset about Nadia – him being none the wiser of the truth.

\--

“Dr. Yates, we're here because we heard you might have information about these victims.” You replied, sitting in front of the serial killer.

“Detective Y/L/N, it’s so good to finally meet you.” Yates greeted. “Nadia talked a lot about you. When she and I were alone. She told me how you two were as thick as thieves and how she was helping you plan your wedding. You were a good girl. But not Nadia.” Yates cracked his neck, the popping sound reverberated and churned your insides.

“Wedding?” Rafael murmured, but he was loud enough that you heard him. You glanced his way and saw something flash across his face. Your heart began to race and your ears began to ring.

Yates eyes darted towards Rafael. “I was hoping this would have been a solo trip.”

You took a deep breath in an attempt to ground yourself and refocus. “We’re not talking about me.” You replied as you crossed your arms and cocked your brow.

“Whatever it is you think you can reach inside me is long gone.” You continued. “You said some of these victims might have been from Chicago.”

“Did I? Oh, yeah.”

“We have some missing persons photos we'd like you to take a look at.” You opened the folder and slid it forward.

“Mmm. Hmm, so young. I...don't imagine that's what they looked like when their killer encountered them.”

“Where?” Rafael asked.

“Maybe at a truck stop whoring themselves out for cocaine. You should check Nadia’s spots. Heroin. Cocaine. Doesn’t matter.” Yates spat.

You recoiled. And then you grew angry that you allowed Yates to get under your skin. You slammed your hands on the table and stood. “We’re done here.”

“Tsk, tsk, detective. That’s quite the temper. Taking after Voight I see.” Yates replied with a sneer.

Your stomach churned again and you felt as if you were going to be sick. You grabbed Rafael’s arm. “We’re done here. Lets go.”

If the ride to Green Haven was uneventful, the one back to the city was even less so. At one point, Rafael turned to your profile and studied you intently. He wasn’t sure why he felt what he did when he learned you were close with Nadia or that you had been planning to get married.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” You asked, as you signaled to change lanes. A car cut you off and you served slightly to correct yourself. You responded by laying on the horn. “Watch where you’re going asshole!” You yelled.

“Detective… perhaps we should switch to at the next exit.” Rafael replied gently.

“Detective? Pretty sure anyone who has seen their dick inside of me gets to call me by my first name.” You snapped. You glanced quickly at Rafael and sighed. “You told me you haven’t driven in years. Besides, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Y/N –”

“Rafael, drop it. Please.” You pleaded. “Why don’t you find something good for us to listen to?”

Rafael found the local hip-hop station, hoping the tunes would lighten the mood. Instead, the ride was silent with awkward tension quickly taking over. Never was he more glad than to get back to the office.

\--

That evening, Rafael returned to his apartment, physically and emotionally wrought from the days events. Taped on his door, was note scrawled with your handwriting.

“We should talk. I know you have a sweet tooth. Come by.”

Opening the door to his apartment, he put away his belongings and then changed into a pair of his most worn sweatpants and his favorite Harvard t-shirt. He poured himself a scotch neat and made his way across the hall.

You opened the door after two knocks. By the way you swayed, Rafael could tell you were drunk. You wore these little high waisted shorts that left little to the imagination that Rafael secretly loved and your face was covered lightly in flour – it was clear you were baking something. His eyes darted past your shoulder to your counter where a bottle of wine was tipped over, drops of whatever remained dripping. Next to it was a half empty wine glass.

“Rafael!” You slurred, pulling him in. “I am s’happy you’re here.” You pulled him in for a kiss but he shirked back.

He took in your face, which was flush from the alcohol. “Detective, you are wasted. I would be taking advantage.”

“I told you to call me by name!” You protested pulling him into your apartment. Rafael stood his ground and you tugged on him again. “Oh, come on – I am giving you the advantage!” You leaned into him and he grabbed your wrists gently, stopping you.

“Y/N, no.” Rafael replied, sternly. His normally bright eyes were dark and stormy and a deep frown graced his features.

“Wow, so it’s like that?” You snapped. Rafael recalled the same words from Yelina in his office and he felt shameful – as if he was disappointing you, the same way Yelina made him feel. Rafael let go of your wrists, and you stumbled pushing past him.

You marched past Rafael and swung the door open. “Just forget it. I knew this little arrangement of ours was too good to be true. It’s already getting in between us. We’ll be a strictly professional relationship from now on.” Your eyes began to water. “Just leave.”

You slammed the door shut and Rafael leaned his head against the door. He moved to take a step forward when he heard you openly sob from the other side of the door.

Rafael willed himself to not turn around and beg for you to let him in. He knew if he went in, it would just make things worse.

He had only hoped he had enough scotch in his apartment that would help him drown out the sound of you sobbing from his mind.

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rafael Barba x Reader. CW: angst, pining, language. Episode references: Nationwide Manhunt (SVU) & The Song of Gregory William Yates (CPD). WC: 1892
> 
> AN: A non-smut chapter? Who am I? Forgive me for typos.

–

The next morning you woke up startled. You rubbed your eyes and tried to make sense of your surroundings: you had fallen asleep on your couch, the TV screen black (with the flashing reminder to turn off your TV if not watching). Your alarm was screeching from the bedroom and there was pounding on your door. You reached for the remote and turned off the TV before going to answer the door. You stood and paused, groaning as your head began to throb.

You undid the deadbolt but left the security chain on and cracked the door open. “Oh, Raf – it’s you.” You replied with a sigh of relief. “Hold on.” You closed the door and undid the chain and then re-opened the door. You both stood there in the doorway, staring at each other, nothing being said. Finally, Rafael opened his mouth, taking the first step.

Can I come in?” Rafael looked fashionably sensitive, in his dark tapered jeans and oxford shirt, with his sleeves rolled up. You cocked your head and wondered if the Harvard lawyer truly knew how handsome he was.

“Sure.” You replied, opening the door wider to let him in. “I have to turn off my alarm, give me a second.” You walked down the hall to your room. “Look about last night…” You called out as you turned it off.

Rafael gave you a shrug. “Don’t worry about it, detective.”

You gave him a look that was half-bemused and half annoyance. “I have a name. What did I tell you about that?”

Rafael crossed his arms and grumbled an expletive in Spanish, which made the corner of your lips twitch slightly, knowing that you could get under his skin a little. “Y/N.” He replied, his voice clipped.

You let out a small laugh. “I am just teasing.” Your smile faded quickly. “Seriously, though, I’m really sorry.”

Rafael eyed your unkempt appearance and gave you a small smile before shaking his head. “You were hurting and drunk.” He pulled you into a tight hug, squeeze and you took a deep inhalation of his cologne which comforted you. Reluctantly, you broke the hug.

“I think we should keep things professional from now on.” Rafael announced quietly. He shifted his footing and shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn’t miss the hurt that flashed across your face.

You straightened and took a deep breath. “Duly noted.” After a beat, you continued. “And I think that’s best.”

Rafael nodded slowly, taken a bit by your quick agreeance. “So…” Tension quickly filled the room and the pounding in your head intensified.

“Want to get some breakfast before work?” Rafael suggested. “Just as colleagues.” He added for good measure.

“If you don’t mind waiting…” You waved your arm over your haphazard appearance.

“Not at all.”

You started walking backwards towards your bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be out in a bit.”

Under the hot steam of your shower, you wondered when everything got so fucked up and longed for the days when things were so simple. When you emerged back into the living room, you paused as you slipped on your watch. Rafael was sitting on the couch, watching CNN. There was something so domestic about it. Your heart skipped a beat. 

‘No. Focus.’ You thought to yourself. You plastered a smile on your face and put the kibosh on any feelings that were forming. “Ready?”

Rafael turned off your TV and stood, turning to face you. “Absolutely.”

As you walked by, Rafael grabbed your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. “Hey – are we okay?” He pointed his finger at you, then at himself. You winked.

“Of course. Now, lets get some food. I’m starved.” The waft of your lavender shampoo made its way to Rafael’s olfactory sensors and he felt his stomach twist painfully as he followed you out the door.

–

You both settled at a diner near One Hogan Place. You ordered an egg scramble and whole wheat toast and Rafael ordered an everything bagel with lox. Copious amounts of coffee were had. You were grateful for easy, though at times stilted, conversation. As Rafael settled the bill – which he insisted on doing – a breaking news alert on the overhead TV caught your eye.

You flagged down a waitress. “Excuse me, can you raise that?” The waitress nodded and raised the volume. The reporter’s words shook you to your core. Rafael watched as the color drained from your face.

Breaking news: two inmates from Green Haven Correctional have escaped. Both Yates and Rudnick were serving life sentences for multiple counts of rape and murder. They should be considered extremely dangerous. Officials are cautioning that anyone who sees them or has information on either of the two men should not attempt to interact with them. We will keep you updated as this story continues.

–

You stormed into the bullpen with Rafael following at your heels. “Liv! What the hell are we going to do?”

Olivia cocked her brow at your outburst. “Y/N, I take it that you heard the news.” She took off her glasses and sat on the corner of Amanda’s desk.

“We’re going to run this by the book. We’re headed up to Green Haven. Hank and I spoke, the 21st is going to meet us there. Y/N, you’re staying here.”

“Like hell I am!” You snarled.

“Y/N, it’s best if you stay here. We are keeping you safe.” Liv replied softly. “Yate’s baiting you.”

“After using me to talk to him, you decide now to bench me? If he wanted me, he would have had me already.” You replied angrily. You slammed your hand on your desk. Rafael put a hand on your shoulder and you shoved his hand off.

“If I’m bait, let me be bait. I can draw him in. Let me do my job.”

“You are too personally invested. You need to stand down.” Olivia replied sternly.

“No. I need to come up. Just… I can help from behind the scenes. I won’t do anything stupid.”

“Famous last words.” You whipped around and stared at Amanda who gave you a knowing look. “Look Y/N, I know how Yates works too. I can put myself out there – use me.” Amanda replied.

“All due respect, but no.” You retorted. At that moment, your phone buzzed. You pulled out your phone and looked at the text. “It’s Erin; I have to take this.” Rafael didn’t miss how your face crumbled as you walked out to take the call.

–

State troopers, FBI, ATF, SVU and CPD all converged at a local church in Stormville, just 90 minutes outside of Manhattan to begin the search for Yates and Rudnick.

“NYPD’s Special Victims Unit and Chicago Intelligence are here to give specifics about the fugitives.” Warden Lucille Fenton announced.

“These guys are intelligent. They’re motivated. They’re charming, and they are without conscience.” Olivia began. She listed their heinous acts on her fingers. “Their crimes include rape, kidnapping, torture, and murder.”

“Now, Yates is definitely capable of hot-wiring cars. He’s adept at identity theft, and he is highly manipulative. Especially when preying on young women.” You continued.

“Rudnick can blend in easily. We know that he assumes disguises, usually of an older female.” Sonny finished.

“We’ve already begun house-to-house searches and roadblocks. Air support with heat sensors and infrared will be in the air within the half hour.” Major Bowman with the State Troopers announced.

“Search every inch of this county. My staff has pulled security cameras, visitors’ logs, and personnel files.” Lucille turned to Olivia.

“Okay, my team can help with the interviews.” Olivia agreed, before going over to you.

Rafael watched as you and Olivia spoke from the other side of the room. “Hey, how bad are these guys?” Lucille asked Rafael quietly.

Rafael swallowed hard. “Think Robert Durst and Ted Bundy on the run together.”

After an exhaustive search that came up empty, Olivia advised that a local hotel was putting up everyone for the time being. “Those who can keep going, we appreciate it. Those who need to rest… rest and come back.”

“Y/N, why don’t you get some sleep.” Rafael suggested, taking in your worn appearance. “It’s been a long and hard day.”

“I’ll rest when we have Yates and Rudnick.” You replied, pouring another coffee. As you reached for the sugar, you knocked over your coffee, spilling it all over on a table that had been set up at the church. You swore and scrambled for napkins to clean up. As Rafael helped you, your ex-fiancé, Adam approached.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Adam questioned. “Need help?”

“I got it!” You snapped. You took a deep breath. “Sorry. Just on edge.”

Adam walked around and reached for your arm, stopping you. You looked at Adam and Rafael watched as Adam pulled you into a tight hug, his arms wrapped around you. Rafael could see the appeal of Adam with his rugged looks. You melded into Adam’s embrace. You opened your eyes and met Rafael’s. You tried to read his face, but he appeared stoic and impassive.

“I think I am going to head to the hotel a bit and get some rest.” You replied breaking the hug. You grabbed the soiled napkins and shoving them into the now empty coffee cup. Your hands were sticky and smelled like coffee, to which you crinkled your nose in disgust.

“I am too.” Rafael replied, shaking himself back to present. “Want to ride together?”

“I’ll drive.” Adam offered. “Come on.” Rafael followed behind slowly as Adam and you walked ahead, Adam’s arm wrapped around you.

Rafael felt something in his guts churn that felt an awful like jealousy. Rafael let out a huff and you turned your attention to Rafael. Rafael didn’t say anything and you felt more puzzled than before.

–

The next morning, Rafael knocked on your hotel door, hoping to check in on you. You opened the door, clad in nothing but an oversized t-shirt, that barely skimmed the tops of your thighs. Rafael swallowed hard.

“Hey – “ Rafael began. His voice trailed as he looked past your shoulder, watching Adam walk in the background.

“What’s up? I told Liv I’d be down in 20. Has there been an update?”

“Um, yeah – overnight Carisi and Rollins apprehended Rudnick. He was discovered hiding in a docked boat by Caroga Lake. Rudnick suffered multiple injuries.” Rafael replied. Adam joined from behind, tugging on his shirt. Rafael ignored him, focusing on you.

“I’m not shedding any tears.” You replied, as you crossed your arms, leaning against the door frame.

“Yates hobbled him - broke both his knees, his ankles, pierced his eardrum. Just left him to die.” Rafael continued.

“Should have let him. Is he talking yet?”

“Only to Carisi, and he’s in and out of consciousness. He did indicate the plan was to cross the border at the Saint Lawrence River.”

You turned, pushing past Adam and grabbed your jeans, which were laying on a heap on the floor. “Come on – lets go.”

“What are you going to do?” Rafael asked.

You holstered your gun into your waistband. “What I should have done a long time ago.”

“Olivia…”

“Olivia nothing. Now, Rafael – just get out of my way.”

Rafael looked at Adam. “You’re going to let her just go after a serial killer?” Adam scoffed. “No. I’ll go with her. We’ll see you at the church.”

TBC.

–


	4. Chapter 4

Rafael followed you to the elevator bank, basically nipping at your heels. “Y/N – don’t be foolish. This is exactly what Yates would want you to do.”

You ignored Rafael and pressed the down button repeatedly, as if doing so were to make the elevator arrive more quickly. “Y/N! Just stop!” Rafael put a hand on your shoulder. You spun, coming chest to chest with the prosecutor.

“Rafael, this is not your battle! Back off!” You snapped. The elevator dinged, signaling its arrival. Rafael moved to follow you and Adam stepped in front of you, blocking Rafael.

“Let her go man.” Adam replied sternly, outstretching his arm on the elevator side portal, preventing the door from closing.

Rafael looked past Adam’s shoulder, to you. “Y/N.”

You met his eyes, which like yours, were wet with unshed tears. “Rafael. Try to understand.”

Adam stepped aside and the door began to slowly shut. Rafael tried pressing the call button to prevent it from closing, but it was too late. Rafael swore loudly and took out his phone, making a call to Liv.

\--

Back at the church, Rafael pushed past through the cornucopia of law enforcement, in hopes of spotting you. He spotted Liv and made way towards her.

“Liv!”

“I can't get a hold of Y/N.” The brunette lieutenant replied with worry etched on her face. She spotted Adam walking over in the distance.

“Adam!”

“Where’s Y/N?” Rafael asked angrily.

“Wait – she’s not here?” Adam asked as he placed his hands on his hips.

“I thought she was with you.” Rafael replied. “You two left together.”

“No. We split up. I followed a dead end. She followed another. Where’s Lindsay?”

“She’s not here either.” Liv replied, frowning. “Did Lindsay know Yates was headed north?”

“I guess... Dodds put an APB out on a pickup truck he hot-wired.” 

“They’re both going after him.” Rafael replied. “I might have let out that Rudnick mentioned that the plan was to cross the border at the Saint Lawrence River.” Rafael replied, before letting out a slew of curse words in Spanish.

Amanda jogged over. “Liv, I just got word that Dodds is with Lindsey and Y/N.”

Liv grabbed her police radio. “Dodds, this is Liv – you need to turn around. Now.”

\--

“Copy that, Lieutenant. Liv wants us to come back.” Mike replied, as he began to turn the car around.

“Yeah, I'm not doing that.” You replied. Lindsey nodded, as she leaned forward from the middle backseat. “I’m with Y/N on this.”

“Detectives, I know he killed someone close to you, but this isn't us anymore.” Mike reasoned.

Lindsey shook her head and from her peripheral vision, spotted an abandoned police car. “What the hell is that? There's been no radio traffic. Pull over.”

Mike brought the car to a stop. It had started to rain hard, coming down in sheets making the ground muddy and slippery with wet leaves. The three of you each drew out your guns and carefully canvassed the area. Lindsey spotted the body of the trooper.

“I got a trooper down!”

“Is he –” you asked, knowing full well the answer.

“He's gone. So's his gun!” Lindsey shouted as realization hit her.

The sound of gunshots filled the air. You all ran to take cover, but it was too late for Mike, as a bullet tore through his shoulder.

“Dodds!” You screamed.

Mike groaned as he made way behind the car. “Stay down. Take cover!” He reached for his radio. “This is Sergeant Dodds. Shots fired; two officers down. Suspect is armed and in flight. Requesting immediate backup. I repeat, immediate backup!” Mike groaned leaning against the car.

“Dodds, are you okay?” Lindsey asked rushing over.

“I'm fine. Just stay down.” You noticed a dark figure in the trees and you took off in hot pursuit.

“Detective, what are you doing? Detective, stay down!” Mike shouted.

Lindsey whipped her head around and took off after you. “Get back here! Wait for backup! Get back here! Detective!” Mike continued to shout.

You pursued Yates, firing your gun as you did so. Your lungs burned as you ran at full speed. Suddenly you were hit with searing pain at the knee. “Fuck!” You screamed. Your leg immediately buckled and you fell to the ground, your hands bracing against the wet ground. You leaned up slightly, but before you could do anything more, you were hit with another bullet, this time to your shoulder. You collapsed in pain, unable to move. The rain was cold but your shoulder and leg were warm as blood seeped through. Shakily you touched your shoulder, wincing as you touched the wound. You brought your hand to your face, seeing your fingertips coated in your blood.

“Y/N! Y/N – are you okay?” You looked up and saw Lindsey above you.

“Yates…” You gritted. “Go get the bastard.”

Lindsey nodded. “I’m coming back for you; I promise.” Then Lindsey took off.

Her footsteps trailed off and you focused your attention to the sky above you. You watched the rain fell; deep throbbing pain began to radiate through you. You were soaked to the bone and you began to shiver. You felt sleepy and your eyes fluttered close. The last image you had in your head was of Rafael at the elevator from earlier. Your face was wet – you could no longer tell what was rain and what were your tears. You forced your eyes to remain open, willing yourself to stay awake. It was too much and you felt yourself giving in. 

‘Rafael – I am so sorry.’

\--

Your eyes fluttered open, voices above you shouted nonsensical things; you could make out an intense bright light, but it was fuzzy. You could hear the urgency in the voices around you. Your brain made out the words – “subclavian artery” and “the one in the knee wasn’t through and through.” It took too much energy to stay awake; it was so much easier to give in to the darkness.

\--

Rafael knocked gently on the door to your room. He carried a bouquet of orange roses. He winced, seeing you in bed, your shoulder in a sling as well as your leg. Adam looked up at him. “Hey.”

“How – how is she?” Rafael asked, as he made his way in.

Adam frowned. “She – she developed compartment syndrome. So they had to do another surgery. But they said with time, PT – lots of PT, she should be okay.”

“Another surgery? Jesus, fuck.” Rafael let out a long exhale. 

Adam scratched his chin, eyeing Rafael up and down. He took a deep breath before talking. “You know, she talks about you. Non-stop.”

Rafael looked at the young detective in surprise. “She talks about me?”

Adam nodded. “Ever since she moved to New York. Her pain in the ass neighbor who she works with. Look, she and I…. what we had… at the time, it was great. It was great until it wasn’t. So yeah, she talks about you. Take that for what it is worth.”

Rafael let out another exhale. “Okay.”

Adam’s phone buzzed and he looked at it. “I gotta go, Yates is back in Chicago – but… but having been in this spot myself - when you're waking up, it’s better when there is someone is there. You shouldn’t be alone. It’s good that you are here.”

Rafael shook Adam’s hand. “Good luck.”

“Thanks. Take care of our girl.”

Rafael nodded and turned his attention back to you. He felt incredibly helpless seeing you. You seemed so small and fragile in the large hospital bed. He took out his phone and played your favorite Bach cantata. And when he was certain that Adam was gone – he dropped his head into his hands and cried.


	5. Chapter 5

You sensed you were seeing into the past and the future at the same time. You were in your living room, watching a movie with Lindsay and Nadia. You were all curled up on the couch, under a massive throw. Popcorn was strewn about and you were all laughing. It was snowing outside, the wind was howling something fierce. There was a knock on the door and you excused yourself so that you could answer it. As you walked down your hallway, you felt something squish beneath your feet. You looked down and realized your hardwood floors were replaced with dirt and wet fallen leaves. Confused, you continued to make your way to the door. You checked through the peephole and saw Rafael standing with a bouquet of flowers. You smiled as you opened it – and instead of coming face to face with Rafael, you came face to face with Greg Yates. You started to scream when you realized he had a gun. The gun went off –  
You awoke, startled. You realized you couldn’t say anything – something was in your mouth, blocking you. You began to struggle against the restraint, despite the pain coursing through you.

Rafael, who had fallen asleep while sitting across from you, woke up just as startled. He blinked rapidly, trying to orient himself, when he realized what was happening. He rushed over to your side. “Ssh, Y/N, Y/N – you’re okay.” You looked at him, confused.

“Let me get a nurse.” Rafael explained. And he was gone in a near-flash, returning with a petite brunette in purple scrubs.

“Welcome back, Y/N. Good to see you awake! Lets remove this tube – it’s good that you were fighting against it.” She replied as she made quick work of adjusting machines and removing the tube. You let out a sound akin to pain as she did so.

“I know, I know…” The nursed replied soothingly. “The tube probably scraped up your throat. It’s going to be sore for a bit. I’ll get you some medicine to help with that.”

You tried to sit up more, but faltered. You winced as your arm buckled and Rafael helped you adjust your position and then adjusted your pillow. Just the small movement had your heart racing and you realized you were far worse off. The nurse left – you and Rafael were alone again. Rafael took your hand in one hand and with the other, brushed your hair back.

“Welcome back, Y/N. You gave us – me – quite the scare.” Rafael replied. You opened your mouth to speak, but couldn’t find your voice. Rafael held a hand but you shook your head no and cleared your throat, wincing once more.

“What happened? Yates?” You asked with all the energy you could muster, but it came out as a hoarse whisper.

“Yates is dead. Lindsey got him – she shot him.” Rafael explained. You covered your mouth with your good hand in disbelief, your eyes wide.

Rafael then went into detail about everything: Yates shooting you twice; the extent of your injuries – initially it was thought you were shot in the knee – which, had that happened, would have required a knee replacement. But instead, Yates missed and you were shot directly above the knee cap. You were shot in the shoulder as well and developed compartment syndrome and needed another surgery. Yates returned to Chicago. Brutal murders of nurses from ChicagoMed followed, as Yates wanted to exact revenge on his family who had abandoned him. Rafael detailed how Yates kidnapped his sister and father before killing the latter – and that Lindsey shot him, ending the brutal serial killer once and for all. By the time Rafael was done, you were crying – for the brutal pain endured by so many, for the lives lost and for the relief that Yates was finally gone.

Finally, when your sobbing subsided to just a few sniffles, you lifted your head and looked up at Rafael. His green eyes were just as teary as yours. “I’m so sorry.” You replied meekly.

“Hey, the most important thing is that you're okay.” Rafael cupped your face and pressed a kiss softly to your forehead.

You shook your head. “No. No, you trusted me, and I let you down.”

“Far from that, detective.” Rafael replied. He stood back up and grabbed a cup and the water pitcher. He filled a cup half way and handed it to you. You took it and mumbled a thanks before drinking it.

You put the cup down and spoke again. “I swear I will make this up to you.”

Rafael shook his head and raised his hand. “Y/N, you’re alive – there is nothing to make up. That is all that matters.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders rounded. In that moment, the tough prosecutor came off looking forlorn. “I think I am going to head out – you need to rest.”

“No!” You cried out. Rafael looked at you surprised.

“Please stay.” You continued. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” Rafael let out a deep breath and nodded. He moved to sit but you protested once more and requested he sit next to you. Rafael helped you move over a bit. You snuggled with him as best as you could. He found the remote and turned the TV on. An episode of “I Love Lucy” was on. Rafael stayed with you until you fell asleep once more.

\--

You were in the hospital for weeks, but it didn’t feel that way. You had a steady stream of visitors – Carisi came with his ma’s homemade soup and fresh zeppoles and cannoli. You had Zoom chats with Erin and the rest of the 21 crew. Amanda came by with homemade cards and glitter macaroni necklaces from her girls.

And Rafael. He came by as much as his schedule allowed. Which was a lot. Every so often, he came accompanied with fresh orange roses. He was on his way to your room, when he heard you laughing. He paused to listen to the conversation.

“You have yourself quite the husband.” The nurse replied as she finished updating your chart.

“My husband?” You asked. “Rafael? Oh, he’s not my husband.” You clarified. You didn’t miss how your heart skipped a beat at the idea of becoming more with Rafael.

“Consider yourself even luckier. The way he has been doting on you and checking in on you? That’s love right there.”

Rafael felt his cheeks burn. Part of him felt guilty for even listening in on your private conversation.

“When I was laying there – when I was… was…” You found yourself unable to say the words and your eyes brimmed once more. “He was all I thought about. And right before that, things were just not great with us. It wasn’t how I wanted things to be between us.”

The nurse, who was busy typing in her tablet, paused to look at you. “You got what most people don’t ever get – a second chance. Don’t waste it.”

TBC.


End file.
